Thursday, November 12, 2015

How being nice makes you unhappy

Article also on my site

Free apples for everybody

Dear reader, you are the kind of person that wishes to make the world a better place, you are doing that by being a better person yourself and you consider it your job to do so.

I appreciate that sentiment very much and I love you for it.
But now it's high time to take a nice vacation from that job and I will tell you why.

Even a workaholic takes a break, so why would you always be such a nice guy/girl? There is no reason why you shouldn't take a break from being the wonderful person that you are. It is refreshing and in fact, people will appreciate you more for it.

If I gave everybody at work a free apple on every Friday for a few months, people would expect free apples every Friday. At first they would think "whoa, what a nice guy for doing that". After a while it becomes a regular thing and they would just expect a free apple on Friday.
But this Friday I don't have enough apples for everybody. And lo and behold, the people who didn't get an apple are pissed off and mean to me because they didn't get what they deserved. Now they don't like me so much anymore.

Strange how that works eh? I was just trying to be a nice guy but all I get is slack for a few tiny things that go wrong.
Sounds familiar?

Now I could make it my responsibility to deliver free apples for the rest of my life, or I could turn it around.
I pick Bob who said especially mean things to me and tell everybody, "no more free apples because of what Bob said, and I don't feel that my kindness is being appreciated at all".
Boom! everybody turns on Bob for ruining the free apple deal for everybody. And I am a really nice guy again.

Now I know I was being a real asshole. My relationship with Bob has been ruined, but now I can give free apples every once in a while which is much more appreciated.

This is a really simple example just to show you how people perceive your kindness and how it progresses over time.

If you are the "good guy" all the time, people will walk all over you, use you and abuse you. That's not because they are the bad people, psychology tells us that is just the way humans work. I know you are not like that at all, you try to fight those natural tendencies. You are truly a better person for it. But you are also really flat and unhappy.

You are flat because people walk over you, get it? Okay, bad joke, I'm gonna leave it in anyway.

But why are you so unhappy?
You get negative feedback for things that go wrong, that you do wrong. Being such a nice person as you are, you take these criticisms to heart and even start believing them to be true.
You see, we hardly remember the things that go really well, because there is nothing to fix. The things that go wrong are remembered because they may contain information that helps us change future similar situations for the better. So we are hard-wired to focus on and remember the things that go wrong.

You are unhappy because you are not being appreciated, everybody needs appreciation. Also you don't know how humans really work, how they can be manipulated and how you are being manipulated every single day of your life.

Also there is this weird feedback loop going on.
You think you are something, so you act like it. People perceive that(consciously or subconsciously) and act accordingly thus amplifying you belief.
In short. Negative feedback from multiple sources makes you believe you are a fuck up. But you should be asking yourself, why do you get this feedback? Are they right? And what are their real reasons?

What can you do to be more happy? Simple, just focus on the good things in life, you under-appreciate them. Read some things about psychology like Confirmation bias and other cognitive biases. Do that, and you will figure out that the world might not be what you always thought it was. Knowing yourself and other people will give you a greater understanding of the world and help you achieve your goals.

Also, practice being an asshole.
Try it, it feels great and gives you a lot of freedom. Just think about it, have you ever seen someone like that apologize or feel bad for the things they have done? No! because they own up to it. Or they don't even think about it. If they call you out on it, just say that you are practicing your assertiveness training or something. Or tell them Henry Hackit made you do it. Balance is the key to everything. This includes being an asshole sometimes.

People will like you much more if your kindness is something rare and to be earned instead of given away for free every single day.

Monday, April 6, 2015

What is the meaning of life?

Well there's a fun and lighthearted question for you :)

Dear reader, if you are human, you have probably asked yourself this question more then once.

So what if I told you I have the answer? I know the meaning of life and I am about to tell you. Would you believe me? Or would you question my claim?

Sure you would question my claim, you would debate and give me other meanings of life, but then how could we possibly know which one answer to life, the universe, and everything really is The Answer?

You could ask God. But he generally doesn't pick up the phone or do conference calls. So you'd have to wait till you are dead and ask him/her yourself. Which is of no use to us now, so that is not really an option.
You could turn to science, and the scientific method is really great at finding out things that might be true if they can be repeated and tested by other people, if the same result pops up, it is probably true. But it can't really answer this particular question.

There is just no way that we can prove that one particular meaning is the meaning of life so all that we are left with is an endless debate and many different opinions.

One answer that science can answer though is "why do we ask this question?"
It is in our nature. We have asked ourselves the "Why" question many times and when we come up with an answer it helps us to deal with the situation at hand in a better and more effective way.
"Why did that window pop up just now?" "Because you clicked the banner" So if you don't want any windows popping up, don't click banners. Situation dealt with.

But what if there isn't any answer?
Well then, our nature keeps nagging us with the question over and over again. Which is kind of what is happening right now and has for centuries so perhaps there is no answer?
That's it ok, end of article.
The answer to the meaning of life is, there isn't any.

But there is really no stopping this nagging feeling, is there? Unless you give up. But that is not really in our nature either, is it?

What if you knew the meaning of life, if you knew the reason why you are alive, what would that do for you? How would it affect your life? Would you be living your life in a more effective manner, would you achieve this apparent goal faster? And is that really what you are after?

And what about not knowing? Not knowing the answer to this question makes us aimlessly wander in all kinds of directions like we have been doing for centuries.

One of the reasons religion is so popular is because it gives us a goal, the meaning of life in almost any religion is to achieve enlightenment or a kind of promised land like Heaven or Nirvana. But the problem here is that there is no scientific proof that this is the real reason, goal or purpose of life in general or your life in particular. It is based on belief. But it has helped us give our lives a direction, it makes us feel better because we now have a purpose and a goal.

So religion gives us the answer and if you are not the kind of person who asks a lot of questions, then this is the time to stop reading.

Still here? Good, let's figure out the real answer then..

While science is unable to give us a definite answer, we could just have a look around us and see how things work and possibly infer a meaning from that.
So where do we come from? Evolution theory says that once upon a time, a long long time ago, we were just a bunch of amino acids in a pool on a planet with a lot of lightning storms.
We then found a way to replicate and build cells. Then we came up with the bright idea to clump together a bunch of cells.
Why did the single cell organism clutter together?
When you work together, you have more chance of survival.
The single cell had less chance of survival just on it's own. With dehydration as one of its major threats, it is far likely to survive in a big groups where only the cells on the outside take the big hits.
Each and every cell, is working together even at their own expense to keep the entire organism safe from harm. And it is That Decision that still governs each and every cell and with each and every cell of our body, also each and every decision we make. Because the brain are cells too.
It's simple, you just go from the micro scale to the macro scale. We humans are a weird bunch tho because we took it even further then our own bodies. We started working together in groups of humans and achieved grand things. That no single one of us could ever have done.
We don't even question why we work together anymore. We just do it because it is our nature.

From that first clutter of cells came a huge variety of creatures. Some went extinct and some of the oldest are still alive now.
So what is up with all that diversity? Well Evolution theory also teaches us that if a species gets too specialized they are more likely to go extinct if that specialization is no longer relevant. Situations have a nasty tendency to change just when you got used to them.
Now we have this system of life with a huge variety in all shapes and forms and even when most of this planet is somehow destroyed or has become uninhabitable, life is so diverse that it will most likely continue.
Life is like a brute force attack, it just simply tries every variation, every possible option until it finds the right answer and then they get to survive.
But what is the answer?

Through the ages life seems to have had one single drive, one reason and that is, to survive, to simply stay alive, procreate and try again.
Every organism dies, but when it does so, it will have passed on to it's offspring, all that it could to ensure the survival of that offspring.

So there you have it.
The meaning of life is to remain alive, produce, and ensure the success of offspring and be as diverse as you can.

Or in simpler words; Stay alive.
Because the rest comes naturally.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Why is this blog still up?

Straight to the answer: It is not in violation of the Terms of Service(TOS)

One particular article on this blog is, to say the least, controversial.

Twice this blog has been deleted now. People are able to report the blog for violation of the terms of service. The automatic response to this is to delete the entire blog and send me an e-mail about it.

I have been very careful not to violate any of the TOS but I am even in doubt about parts of it.

After the automated removal of my blog I am given the opportunity to appeal to this, which means that a Google representative of the blogger team has to have a look at the blog and decide if it is really in violation of the terms of service like the automaton has decided. It seems that it is not actually in violation because the blog has been reviewed and restored twice now.

I think it is odd that in the time that this blog has been up, only two people took the time to report it especially with one post being so popular that it has about 1500 views a day. I really thought I would piss off more people then that.

"So why did you write it?", everybody keeps asking.
I think I have explained it in the article and in the comments a few times, but people still think it is satire, so let's go again...
I am pro-choice. It is your life, you should decide what you do with it. But religion and governments based on religion have made it illegal for you to take your own life. My intended original audience is not the depressed,"my life sucks", "please kill me now" kind of people.
But if you do decide to kill yourself, you should really, really think about it. Think about the consequences, the people around your, the people who have to clean up your mess, and most importantly, the success rate of a suicide attempt.

I am just trying to make people really think about what they are thinking of doing. After that, it is still always your choice.

And then there are the people who, like my late friend, are really better off dead, but nobody will help them or let them die peacefully.
Another reason for me to write "It's my life" and "The best way to kill yourself" is the unfortunate and torturous demise of a good friend of mine. Struck with one of the most painful and incurable diseases this existence has to offer, he had nothing to live for nor any hope left. The only thing in his future was a painful death or a quick death, if only there was one person able and willing to help him.
He found none, not even me. So yes, I have thought about ways to kill him and have been searching the web for a way to do it quickly, painlessly and without any trace back to me.
Many hours have I spent. but my conclusion at the time was that I would have to train to be an MD and start my own practice before I would be able to help him.

Most religions say you will go to hell if you kill yourself, or anybody else.
But what if you already are in hell on earth?

Helping people in such a position is controversial and a crime and it is my opinion that it shouldn't be.

So, that's my honest answer, now you can stop asking.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

life WTF life

Life is the only thing that can make you go WTF!
And even after you said that,.. make you want to put some extra Exclamation marks after that.

It really doesn't matter who you are, what you are, who you think you are, or who you really are. Life will always find a way to surprise you in good or bad ways. Because life is just that.. surprising.

You think you know everything? Bang, life slaps you in the face with something you didn't know.
You think life is boring, shabam!, life turns upside down, lets see how you handle yourself now.

I hate surprises.
Almost as much as I love them.

Besides surprises, life also seems to have a sense of humor, mainly irony though.
Love marathon running? you will loose a limb.
Love looking a beautiful paintings, you go blind..
You know, and we have all seen the buttered end of the toast hit the floor. Irony. Life loves it.
Personally I always say, "life only knows one kind of humor and it is called Irony".

So if you would summarize life, it would be somewhat of an ironic tale filled with surprises.
Now that doesn't sound too bad, does it?

Well, then lets summarize our lives... Right now, I am a healthy 41 year old with a wife and young child. Sounds good right?
Now add the fact that I don't have a job, no source of income, huge hospital bills because my firstborn was 9 weeks early, my wife has severe headaches and has now gone blind, also has to be hospitalized and we still have no clue what is wrong with her.
Life has thrown us some punches.
Right now, the only thing keeping me upright in the ring is the fact that I have a small child whom I'll have to take care of, who depends on me. Who I promised to be there for.
I really don't know how long I can keep this up, but I will try. I will fight for her and those I love. I will face another day, come up with ideas to make another months rent, I will fight, I will fight for another day. I will fight till the bitter, or the bitter sweet end. I will fight, because I am alive and I have a choice. I choose my family.
I have a wife and child who love me, life can throw me any punch and it won't hurt me, I will go on, we will go on, life goes on.

Don't complain, there is always someone out there that has it worse then you.
Lets compare notes in the comments below, shall we? What are you still alive for today? What keeps you going?

Thursday, January 23, 2014

The best way to kill yourself addendum

I wrote the The best way to kill yourself blog post. I had almost entirely forgotten about it when I noticed people were suddenly finding me on Facebook.

This blog post was getting really popular. Thank you for that. But now I feel like I have some sort of responsibility for it. Every once in a while I come across other methods of killing yourself and then I do a little investigation for the greater good, but now I have finally found a website that is quite similar to this blog post(although lacking my specific type of humor) and fully devoted to this cause, so I thought I just needed to share that with you.

Also thanks to firedingo who pointed us to this site from the comments. is a real good read and although it has a few articles trying to stop you from killing yourself, it has a lot more really helpful information. I'd say it is a must read.
Although if you look at the agony and lethality statistics you might feel like blowing your head off with a shotgun is the way to go, or perhaps jumping in front of a train which are really way too messy for my taste as I have mentioned before. But hey, it's Your life.

Monday, November 5, 2012

The best way to kill yourself

Have you ever searched the internet to find the best way to kill yourself?
Well I have, and it is damn near impossible to find the answer.

It looks like I have found the one question the Internet is unable to answer. Yay! Hurray for me, now let's change that.

So why would I be searching for such a thing? I don't plan on ever killing myself, not even in the most dire of situations. Although I have not always felt like that(depression is a bitch). No, now I love the constant stream of surprises that life has to offer way too much to ever kill myself. And I know that no matter how bad things get, there is almost always a day that things will be better again. Well that's how it works with depressions anyway.

But there are a few exceptions to this state of mind.
And if you are reading this, you probably already know them.
There are some perfectly good reasons to off yourself out there and I think it is up to you to decide.

So why would I try to help you do something as stupid as this?
Quite frankly, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for me.
I am just sick and tired of those stupid bastards that are doing it WRONG. These guys cause pain and suffering to other people whilst trying to end their own.

Why the hell would you jump in front of a train! Just think of the consequences! It's messy, quite possibly painful and you run the risk of surviving. Think of the people who's job it is to clean that shit up. And the driver! It is the stuff of nightmares. Stop this insanity now!
Also you make me late for my appointment. I hate that.

There are far better ways to kill yourself without giving anybody nightmares. All you need is a little imagination. Which you are probably lacking right now because you decided to kill yourself.

So I'll go ahead and assume you are looking for a way to kill yourself in a way that is not painful.
You want to die and not hurt anyone else. You want to off yourself quickly and without a chance of backing out at the last moment. Well fat chance. There is almost always a way to back out at the last moment and if you feel you might feel the need to, then you have not made up your mind yet and you should see a counselor. Also you are always going to hurt other people but the decent thing to do is to keep that to a minimum. So here are a few good ways to end it all.

Finding the answer yourself
Don't search the internet for the best way to kill yourself, you will only find people who are trying to stop you or people who attempt to be funny about it(and almost always fail to do so)
Answer: reverse the question.
Search for "safety" and you will find danger.
Search for "survival" and you will find dangerous situations where the chance of killing yourself is almost guaranteed.
There is another risk here though. Doing something crazy ass dangerous could be just the kick you need to find the will to live again. That's what happened to me (true story)
Look for "success stories" searching for "killed himself" and focusing on news sites gives a lot of results. Try to pick the least messy ones please.
Stupid American gun law...
Most suicides are gun related and thus messy so use Google translate to search in a different language then English, pick a country where guns are forbidden for best results.
A risk here is that you find many stories of family members who were traumatized. But you can use this information to prevent that as much as possible.
Take a day to write a good note to explain yourself and your decision. Even if you don't believe me, there are always people out there that like you and they will be hurt. Understanding will help them deal with it.

Finding the answer yourself is going to take way too long, I know, I have spent days on it. I tend to obsess over things. I can't stand the fact that the internet didn't have an answer to such a simple question.
So here are my conclusions. For the impatient readers, my personal favorite can be found at the bottom.

If you have decided to kill yourself you essentially have given yourself a free pass to be a daredevil, so be on the lookout for anything marked with warning labels. "Danger" will not be your middle name, it will be your last.

Dangerous situations
Finding dangerous situations that are not messy or hurt anyone else is very difficult unless you happen to already be a stuntman or can fool the psychological test it takes to become one, but then it takes too long anyway. By far the best one is to have a climbing "accident" on your own. But you need mountains in a near abandoned place. So perhaps you need some traveling money. Keep in mind that the longer it takes for someone to find your mangled body, the less messy it becomes. And pick a good spot for gods sake, nice and high and try to go head first. No, a High building will NOT do!

Dangerous places
Frozen bodies are quite clean. Also freezing to death seems to be quite painless. The Everest, the North,South pole are all very beautiful and dangerous places and a great final destination. They might be a bit hard to get to, so why not take a skiing trip. The risk of avalanches is mostly prevented by a special group of people who call themselves avalanche experts what they lack is time to prevent all of them. Have a chat with them to find out where you should definitely not go, then go there. Pick a spot that won't cover an entire village when it is triggered please, and do it at night or in the evening to prevent them from finding you if you survive the initial impact.
Could be really painful, so you could alternatively take off your clothes or get wet and sit in the snow in an abandoned place with a bottle of hard liquor. Alcohol might make you feel warm, but it actually speeds up the hypothermia and it takes the edge off the unpleasant shivering. You will feel drowsy after a bit and simply go to sleep.

Killer electronics
High voltage is quite painful, I know those warning signs are pretty, just don't do it if you can't stand the pain.
Forget about defibrillators, the ones you could get your hands on have too many safety features. Unless you are smart enough to rig one, this is not an option.
All I did was reverse safety regulations to come up with this.
It doesn't take high voltage to stop a heart. Regular mains current will do fine. The trick is to get the current to pass the right spot for long enough. So rig those breakers before you take the toaster for a bath.
Don't actually take the toaster for a bath though, the current flies everywhere and you have no control over the outcome.
For the best result you should be looking for something that is 375 Volts at a frequency of 60 Hertz alternating current. Hearts don't like 60 herz, 5000 Hz is even better, but hard to find. 60 and 5000 herz are sweet spots. Slightly more or less, no problem, but in between is a surefire way to fail.
Conveniently America has chosen 60 Hz for it's mains power.
A 5 second blast of at least 75 milliamps over your chest cavity should do the trick.
Arms conduct electricity quite nicely so take this opportunity with both hands and get a good grip on the situation. Better yet, tape the wires to your chest at the position where they usually place the paddles of the defibrillator and flip a switch. The result is a heart attack, if not, try again. Ask anyone who has had a heart attack about the pain. Most people describe it as moderate. As far as this particular current I have no idea how it feels. But I find the shock from the regular mains quite exhilarating so I might not be the best person to give advice on that.
The risk here is that you might also burn your house down when you connect yourself to the mains due to the rigged breakers. A practical tip is to do this standing up with wires that are just the right length so that when you fall down the connection is broken.
Remember, safety first. And in this case for other people naturally.
Electronics isn't very hard so you could take this one step further and build the ultimate death machine. Have a look at how electric power conversion works. You are looking for a flyback transformer. This could also provide you with a handy alibi if you want to make it look like an accident while reducing the risk of burning your house down.

Air in the wrong place
Commonly thought to be a good way to kill yourself is an air bubble in your bloodstream. Take a syringe and squirt some air in a vain in order to produce a heart attack. This is bullshit, don't do it. You need way more air then you think the chances of you surviving are way to high. The heart is a pump, for it to stop pumping almost half of it should be filled with air, and even then, sloshing due to falling might start the whole process back up again. Also air in the vanes and heart don't seem painless to me.

Sounds simple enough, just don't do the things you need to remain alive.
Going without food is not an option. It takes way too long and one of the symptoms is bad decision making. Although your hallucinations might make it a pleasurable experience after a while, keep in mind that Gandhi took 21 days to meet his maker.
Without water you can survive up to 5 days maximum. The worst symptoms come last and unless you like lethargy, irritability, vomiting and diarrhea, this is not the way to go. In an exceptional case a Japanese hiker survived for 27 days because he went into a hibernation like state. This just shows that your body will not be so eager to die as you might be. Deprivation does not work well enough.
Unless... it is air you deprive yourself of.

We need air, don't get any and it is all over within 5 minutes. If you have two hands you can choke yourself. The problem there is that you loose consciousness first, lose you grip, and then start breathing again. So you need something that holds on when you can't anymore. Luckily a hangman's noose was designed for exactly such a purpose and really easy to make. You don't actually have to hang yourself, perhaps you don't have anything to hang from, in that case just pull it tight or use a door nob. Friction will prevent the noose from loosening up quickly so there is no easy way back. This is a good way to die because there is no pain and you will experience one final orgasm before you go. If you want to fall from a couple of feet, you might break your neck, this is quicker. But judging the height and amount of rope can be tricky and painful if you fail. Also necks can be really sturdy.

Another way to do something similar but should really be called poisoning is taping a bag over your head. I saw that one in a movie, there seems to be some panic involved. All you need is a sturdy plastic bag and some duct tape. Put the bag over your head and tape it tight around your neck. You will not die of lack of oxygen but an overdose of carbon dioxide(the stuff you breathe out) At first you might experience some panic as your body struggles to keep alive. But after that you will gently go to sleep as the carbon dioxide relaxes you. The possibility of a slight headache should be the only pain involved.

Not really a sure way to die, but surely one of the most fun ones since it causes euphoria. This is the stuff that kills you if you stick your head in the oven, which is not something I recommend because you might blow up part of the neighborhood. It is very hard to turn the gas back off once you are dead. But most people don't realize that it also comes in handy portable suicide packages that people generally use to refill their gas lighters. The effects are:  euphoria, drowsiness, narcosis, asphyxia, cardiac arrhythmia, temporary memory loss and frostbite. Narcosis is the reason why might miss your target. It's hard to kill yourself if you are passed out. The jet of liquid is extremely cold when it comes out so don't go spraying this directly in your throat, that will kill you, but in a painful way. Use a bag or a plastic bottle with a hole cut into it to spray, then inhale to your heart's content. Use enough and you might get a heart attack. I'm not sure if the only cause of asphyxia is purely caused by spraying it directly in your throat, but hey, you are about to die, you might as well give it a try. And if you are euphoric enough you might not even mind.

To keep it simple we'll say that there are two types of drugs, sedatives and stimulants.
Most stimulant overdoses might produce something called stimulant psychosis which has as a symptom "thought disorder" which might make you change your mind or make you do something stupid that you were trying to prevent in the first place. Also seizures are not something to look forward to.
Although sedative overdose also messes with your thought process, you will probably not be able to move or do anything about it. Go for sedatives.

No doctor or pharmacist in their right mind will give you a possibly lethal dose to take home with you so you have to save it until you have at least two or three bottles.

Sleep medication may seem like the best drug to use especially in combination with alcohol, but make sure you take enough. An overdose will relax you to such extent that your just stop breathing. This is called respiratory center depression, respiratory depression or respiratory failure. You can use this to search for the best sleeping solution. 5% can lead to paradoxical reactions. Meaning that you might not fall asleep at all. It's gonna be a bitch if you are one of those, but you will probably die anyway.
I knew in the back of my mind that there are probably combinations of drugs out there that could be the best solution to this question but unfortunately I do not have a medical degree.
After the long time that this article has been up, I have finally come across a comment that shows great promise to actually be The Best Way to Kill Yourself using pills.

Easy way out  April 19, 2015 at 11:45 AM
The combination of a benzodiazepine and an opiate is a very easy way to go into respitory arrest and die like you are just falling asleep. Many doctors will even prescribe these two medicines at one sitting. Tell them you are having panic attacks and you have taken Xanax before and it has worked and then tell them you have terrible back aches and Vicodin or norco has helped you in the past. Then you have your cocktail. Take the month supply of both all at once. You will get a nice buzz, fall asleep, and go into respitory arrest while you are sleeping. If you want to take an extra step as a fail safe (in case you are found) also take a full bottle of extra strength Tylanol. Get these pills all together and then dispose of all the bottles before you take the pills. Even if you are found they will not know how to treat you, they will probably try to hit you with narcan which is given for opiate overdoses first, this may stop the respitory arrest but then the Tylanol will cause your liver to fail. This whole time you will be out. Better yet just get a motel room and take the aforementioned pills. The combination of opiates and benzodiazepines is one of the most common pharmaceutical deaths. It will work if you do not have a tolerance. If you do have a tolerance the opiate and benzodiazepine will simply put you to sleep while the Tylanol does the work. I suggest 75 Tylanol extra strength pills.

You know it's bad for your health to smoke it, but did you know nicotine is also a pesticide?
1 cigarette contains approximately 1mg, you need 30 to 60 milligrams(120 milligrams if you are a heavy smoker) so boil the packs of smokes for about an hour, take out the tobacco and keep boiling till most of the water has evaporated, the bitter tasting gooey substance is best taken with some coffee. But nicotine can also penetrate the skin easily so you could use it as an ointment. Alternatively you could stick all the nicotine patches of an entire pack on you at once. Now sit back and wait for any of the following, vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, headaches, fainting, difficulty breathing, pallor, sweating, palpitations, lisps, stomach pains/cramps/bloating, seizures, weakness, drooling, hypertension, stimulant psychosis and finally death. Scratch the coffee, make that a bottle of whiskey. If you are still alive after 4 hours, up the dosage. Didn't I tell you stimulants were a bad idea?

No way back from that one, but if you mess up with the dosage or pick the wrong one you are entering a world of pain. Really the only way to do it right is to do the homework.
There are many substances out there that are bad for you and will kill you. Almost anything can if you take enough of it. Even something as benign as water. The term we are looking for here is "Lethal dose 50" (LD 50) this amount will kill 50% of the test subjects. So you take twice that amount just to be sure. But that's the whole point. Even if you take 3 or 4 times that, there is always a chance that paramedics counter it or you just don't die from it. And almost all overdoses are slow painful deaths.
So do it in seclusion so those pesky medics can't get to you.
But there are a few exceptions.

The good poisons are generally well protected and regulated so they are difficult to get your hands on. Which makes this one of the hardest ways to kill yourself.

Botox yes, the preferred tool of beauty experts to prevent wrinkles. It actually is a severely watered down version of the most powerful toxin known to man called botulinum toxin. a mere 90–270 nanograms of botulinum toxin could be enough to kill an average 90-kg (200-lb) person, and four kg of the toxin, if evenly distributed, would be more than enough to kill the entire human population of the world.
That's how dangerous it is so there is no way you could get your hands on that right?
Well... there might be a way. It is a naturally occurring toxin produced by a bacteria that is commonly found in soil and water. It is the main reason why government agencies freak out when there are dead animals in the water in a hot season. The only thing this bacteria hates is oxygen and acid. I'm sure you can come up with a way to meet it and make friends with it. All it needs is a low oxygen environment that is nicely warm and moist. This little sucker's neurotoxin will paralyze your muscles and since the heart is a muscle and you need muscles to breathe... well you get the idea. This is painless but you might end up killing the one trying to give you mouth to mouth after you drank from your muddy water  collection.

Carbon monoxide(CO)
It's a gas, so make sure nobody else breathes it in. This is the evil cousin of carbon dioxide(CO2), the stuff you breathe out. It binds to the red blood cells so they can't take up oxygen anymore. So that means if you whiff up enough of it, there is no way to save you other then treatment with 100% oxygen within minutes. Carbon dioxide is produced when stuff burns, carbon monoxide is produced when stuff burns with very little oxygen.
You might get a light headache and feel sleepy, then you die. Nice side effect is that you will look all pink cheeked and healthy.
How do you get your hands on something so wonderful?
Anything that burns but not quite good enough. Faulty furnaces, heaters, wood-burning stoves propane fueled equipment. Point is, they have to be faulty, which in our case means plug the air inlet until it nearly stops working. Car exhaust is a popular one, might be a bit smelly and make sure you don't have a catalytic converter installed.
There is also a nice plastic solvent called Dichloromethane or methylene chloride which niftily produces CO right in your blood when you inhale its fumes. Also it makes you blind, but you don't care about that right? Sadly it is now banned in Europe.
Alternatively you could fill a pan with wood chips or any other dry organic matter, put it on the stove or a special burner, the hotter the more gas will be produced. The resulting gas from that is called Syngas which is a mixture of non-toxic hydrogen and our precious carbon monoxide. This stuff is extremely flammable so keep it away from the fire by using a good sealing lid with a hole and a hose attached.
[edit 2015-10-10]
Sean Peezy suggests to get a small grill. Get 5-10 pounds of charcoal. Let it burn outside your car for awhile until the charcoal is 'glowing'. Put it in your car with you, roll up windows, listen to some music and drink some beer. Look at pictures, write a note, you will be asleep within 5 mins and dead within 10. No pain. No shortness of breath. Maybe a headache or dizziness right before you fall asleep.
A good alternative to Carbon monoxide because it uses the same principle without the risk of burning anything down. If you do it well, it is not only deadly, it is also hilarious. You probably all know the effect of inhaling a good whiff of helium from one of those floating party balloons and you probably all have done so at one time in your life. Well what da ya know, it is also dangerous. Because if you breathe helium you are not breathing (enough) oxygen and the strange thing is that your body can't tell the difference so you have no idea that you are suffocating.
The best way to administer a lethal dose is to get yourself a helium canister and an oxygen face mask and connect the two.(I'm not entirely sure how)
Try not to speak or you will laugh your head off, which also sounds lethal but hasn't been proven to be effective yet.
[Edit 2015-10-10] Thanks for your comment Caleb, even though I knew Helium was dangerous for years, I did not include it in here because I'm an idiot sometimes.

Oh shit, I will get into so much trouble posting this and leaving the comments switched on. But I do it all for the good cause. Let me know if any of my tips fail, I know I don't have to count on success stories. I'm not stupid. Those will be determined by process of elimination.

Please remember to copy, duplicate and share this. I don't know how long it will remain here. I might even be doing something illegal here. I'll have to look into that.

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Sunday, November 4, 2012

It's my life

I claim the right to be stupid, irresponsible and take risks with the life that has been given to me. I claim that right and I will fight to the death any one who tries to take that away from me.

I don't need your protection don't force it upon me.

We humans are sentient beings who are able to decide. If that decision does not harm any one but our selves then we should be allowed to make it and it is a crime to stop us.

If I am drunk and try to drive a car, I should be stopped. If I am not and try to drive off a cliff, harming no one but myself, you have got to let me go.

Why are there always people who try to protect us from our free will? Do we really need that protection? I know we make stupid mistakes sometimes and I am all for a hefty discussion with someone who is about to make one. But if after all that you can not find any logical counter argument for the decision this person has obviously made, you have NO RIGHT to interfere.

There are people in this world who have been given a death sentence by a disease that will ultimately kill them in a most horrifying and painful way. Why are there people out there trying to stop them from killing themselves? Why do these people prevent them from taking experimental drugs that have not been tested yet, but give that tiny bit of hope they so desperately need?

Drugs that could save lives now have to pass so many tests that it takes years before any of them can hit  the market. Such delays are unacceptable to people who are on their deathbeds right now. Even if you are willing to take the risk of taking such a drug that might end up killing you, you are not allowed to take that risk. Why! Why do these people have the right to decide over your life? Why do they have the power to obstruct science and progress in such drastic ways?

Just tell me why!!
And make me understand.
Perhaps you guys are right after all.

But I doubt it.